Transformers 5: The Great Retconning
by Serena's Ninja
Summary: It's the 5th film of the franchise and Sam Weedwhacker is back! No one else is back, just Sam. And, well, the robots. But that's besides the point! Read this shiznit!
1. The Great Retconning

**A/N: I have no idea what this is, tbh. I wrote it as a joke, 'cause the fourth movie came out. I actually started writing this 2 years ago, and I just now finished it. Because I started it 2 years ago, Sam Weedwhacker is the lead. Anyways, this story features four human OCs in it. Slik, Skreek, Trekk, and Morticia. Yep...Murder, Arson, and Jaywalking. As for my transformer OCs I plan on using? Well, just watch for yourself.**

**Anyways enjoy. Or don't enjoy. Just review, telling me what I can add to make it funnier.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not mean to offend fans of Transformers (I'm a little "meh" on the series, but I don't hate it) I'm doing this for fun cause I like writing parodies of things (and that includes things I like)**_

Some lame action packed scene with 5,000 explosions happens and then we skip to the important part. The part where Sam and his new leading lady come in.

In walks a girl with lime green hair cut in a short bob, and tied into a nubby ponytail. She's ridiculously pale. She wears maroon lipstick, and grey make-up, with really thick black eyeliner. She's super skinny, wears an outfit like Marceline's from that AT ep 'Henchman' but she wears buckle combat boots instead of high-heels. At the moment, she was wearing a lab coat along with her outfit.

She has her nose deep into a book. Then Sam Witwicky-wittwickey-witttwiki-witwikee-or however the heck that's spelled comes up to her.

"Hey Mortay!" said Sam

"Shuddup, I hate you" replied Morticia, extremely annoyed.

"D'awww, you really do love me?" asked Sam

"No, I said that I HATE you." replied Morticia

"Your lips say no, but your eyes say-" said Sam before Morticia punched him in the face.

"SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YOU PRETURD?" asked Morticia

"Of course I do, girly friend!" replied Sam.

Morticia face palmed.

Then Slik, Morticia's real boyfriend came in. Slik could be described as looking like a young, energetic punk rock professor, who rides a motorcycle.

"Oh hey Slik. Have you seen my brother Skreek? He's been gone a while..." said Morticia

"No..." said Professor Slik Van Steel

"Yeah...I thought you'd not know either..." replied Morticia

Then Morticia's brother, Skreek Auminox came in.

"Skreek? Where were you?" asked Morticia

"Nowhere sis...Just betraying you and the autobots-DANG IT! I wasn't supposed to give away the plot this early..." replied Skreek

Then Morticia's weird, odd-ball, freakish, childish, creepy, inappropriate cousin Trekk Yakitori came in drinking a can of sugar flavored sugar juice.

"Sup! I'm hyper! Are YOU hyper? Nyan cat! Nyan cat! Nya! Nya! Nya!" squeaked Trekk

"Ugggghhhh! I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO GIVE HIM ANY TYPE OF SUGAR! HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO MAKE THAT CLEAR?" yelled Morticia

"I like it when you get mad and feisty!" said Sam, as he put his hand on Morticia's head.

"Don't touch me you idiot!" yelled Morticia

"Sorry" said Sam

Then, Optimist Prime just bursts in. And yes, I do mean OPTIMIST.

"Man! It's good to be optimistic!" said Optimist

Morticia just looked as if she wished she could get the heck out of there.

Then, the Decepticons burst in, they attacked the place, and caused everyone to have to flee.

For months, the main group was separated. Then, everyone happened to run into each other at a smoothie shop. No biggie.

Morticia had gotten her favorite smoothie, chocolate, raspberry, banana, nutella, blueberry, banana, up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a. She sat down, and got on her lap top. "Okay so the Decepticons attacked us while we were in North Point Labs." she said, marking a spot on a virtual map.

"Ya! Ya!" Trekk nodded furiously. "And then Skeletar attacked me in Reno! Then chased me through most of the country!"

"Skeletar?" The group asked in a sitcom like fashion.

"You know, Skeletar! Megatron's bottom bitch!" replied Skreek

"No, Skreek. We DON'T know." replied Sam, in a rather sarcastic tone.

"Well you should! How can you call yourself an ally of the autobots and not know your shit?" asked Slik

"Look Mister!" He stood up "I don't like your tone. AND I DON'T LIKE YOU DANCING WITH MY FUTURE WIFE!"

"What?" Slik and Morticia chimed in, in unison

"Morticia. I love you!"

"Sam we're in public"

"I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!"

"Sam!"

"I"

"SAM!"

"_Love_"

"SAAM!"

"_You~"_

Morticia angrily kissed Sam, letting her kismesis-like feelings out on him. She pushed him away. "There, are you satisfied?"

"Hmmm!" He fell into his seat, hearts in his eyes. Once he got the satisfaction of kissing Morticia, he would soon start to return to his usual character. Maybe. Probably not.


	2. The Thing

**A/N: This, and all further chapters (unless otherwise noted) are written with the help of Tumblr users NickistheWalrus and QueenPrincessKiara.**

Morticia rolled her eyes at Sam, and sighed. She sat back next to Slik.

"YEHEHEHEHEHE MORTY KISSED MEEEEE" Sam giggled like some one who just met their celebrity crush.

"Shut up, weedwhacker."

"It's not Weedwhacker, bitch"

"I didn't call you bitch, weedwhacker."

Sam pouted like a baby.

"Oh quit pouting, weewhacker." Skreek said "Just because my sister kissed you doesn't make her yours."

"Yeah, you kissed my gf, bud." said Slik, judging Sam, with his sexy, sexy eyes.

Sam frowned loudly. Slik squinted at him sexily.

"Ahahahahaha! Kittens, and rainbows, and SUGAR FISH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Trekk like a maniac.

Optimist Prime "accidentally" knocked over his twelve gallon gasoline smoothie onto Trekk. "Oops" (When he says "Till all are one" he doesn't include Trekk since he's an ass licker.)

"AHHHHHH! IT'S BURNIN', IT'S BURNIN', OH KITTEN JESUS HELP ME!" screamed Trekk, running around and trying to find some water to extinguish the flames, screaming like skeletons out of hell.

Morticia got up, closing her laptop and running off.

She accidentally dropped her receipt, which had many questionale purchases on it...let's see...

-A giant cucumber

-Lotion

-Season 1 of Phineas and Ferb on DVD

-Some raw meat

-A teal fur coat

-and an industrial sized package of skittles

okay well enough of that, let's follow her.

She sighed, and went to her apartment. Hopefully the Moo-Crew (that's what I call them, don't ask) wouldn't follow her. Well, except Slik. She wouldn't mind Slik following her.

She thought about Slik for a second. God damn, he was so sexy. He was so sexy, just thinking about him made you realize how sexy he is. He was so sexy, he put the sexiest man alive to shame. He was so sexy, he-Well, that's beside the point.

Morticia nearly jumped hearing the rev of a motorcycle behind her, as she was about to walk into the corridor to the apartment

"Slik?" she turned around. It wasn't Slik. It was Sam Wotm8. On a pink barbie motorcycle, that looks like he got it on sale from Wal-mart for 5.88 plus tax.

"Dammit, Sam, why did you follow me?"

"Because I wuv you"

"THAT'S WHATCHA ALWAYS SAY!" she crossed her arms. "And I see you bought a motorcycle. What next, are you gonna start dressing like Slik too?"

Sam laughed, and then revealed he was dressing exactly like Slik as well.

"I spoke too soon." Morticia sighed "And why are you here? And because you love me isn't an answer." She crossed her arms. "Wait...It's because you think that you dressing like Slik and getting a motorcycle will just make me love you. But the thing I've been wondering since the day you walked into my lab...Why do you want me so badly?"

"I just do. you're soooooooo beautiful" responded Sam.

"No!" she slapped him "What's your reason? You have some ulterior motive. What is it?"

"I have to fart" And alas, he ripped one.

"DAMMIT! No! TELL ME SAM!"

"Bumblebee is gone and I'm alone..."

"So you persistently persue me and all because your little friend is gone? Dude, you were being a creep, that's probably why he left you." she said, not knowing Bumblebee is a robot.

"Bumblee is an autobot." said Sam."and my gaurdian."

"Oh. Still. Do you act this way around him?"

"No. But we're the best of friends. We like to eat Papa John's pizza and watch Seth Rogen movies together. But one time I had sex inside of him in car form and well uh...that's why my other girlfriend is gone."

"And what? You wanna fuck me inside of him so I can go the way that girlfriend went?"

"Yeah...n-no..I want to sex you, but...not inside Bumblebee."

"Oh shut up, Sam Pigsmacky. What next, am I gonna find out that you're a cannibal?"

Sam pulled out a couple of chunks of human flesh and threw them in his mouth, chewing.

"Seriously? SERIOUSLY?"

"This is why I got Even Stevens cancelled. I ate everyone on set."

"What? I thought you were Sam Witwicky, not Shia LaBeouf"

AND THEN SOME DECEPTICONS STARTED ATTACKING! They were about to kill Morticia when Sam jumped, pushing her out of the way. However, he tackled her a little too hard, giving her a slight concussion, and knocking her out.

She woke up in a hospital, with Shia-I mean Sam looking at her.

"What happened?" she asked, drowsy.

"Decepticons attacked."

"Why am I in the hospital?"

"I tried to get you out of the way, but I tackled you too hard and gave you a concussion"

"You asslicker!"

"Hey I only licked ass once and that was a dare!"

"YOU GAVE ME A CONCUSSION! I thought my student loans were bad, and now I have to pay a HOSPITAL BILL!"

Sam whimpered like a guilty dog. "I'm sorry sweetie" He said.

"Sorry enough to pay the bill for me?"

Sam nodded his head. "I'll give you every single cent and dollar I have"

He then pulled out two dollars and a penny. "Will this cover it?"

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD A JOB!"

"I do...I fight evil robots sometimes, but I don't get paid for it."

"BUT IN THE THIRD MOVIE YOU HAD A JOB!"

"I got fired, because I missed work too many times"

"Ugghhhhh. You're lucky my dad can pay for this. Now, hand me my cell phone."

He threw the cellphone and it fell to the ground and shattered.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have a phone?"

"I have an IPod." He didn't want to admit it, but the IPod was full of Justin Bieber songs.

"You can't call people on an iPod, you iShitHead."

"Wellllll soooooooooorry Miss Judgementicia Auminox!"

"I'm not judging you! You're just a moron!"

Sam whined, "But I know what 2 + 2 is! It's 69!"

"IT'S FOUR! DUMBASS!"

"Not when it's you n me bby"

She slapped him.

"Is this foreplay?" Sam asked.

"Just help me get out of this hospital bed!" she reached out for him to help her up.

He touched her booby, the part of it that connected with her arm.

She slapped him, again.

"MY ARM. GRAB MY ARM."

Sam grabbed her leg.

"GRAAAAAUGH MY ARM! MY AAAARM!"

He grabbed her hair

She grabbed his hand and put it on her arm. "Now pull me."

He pushed instead, falling on top of her.

"You are a fucking idiot. You know that?"

"I know I'm a genius!"

She face palmed. "Look, we have to get out of here before-"

"Ms. Auminox!" a Nurse came in, looking down at her clip board, she looked up "AAHH! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOUR FURIOUS BABY MAKING, I'LL JUST EXCUSE MYSELF!"

"How are babies made?" Sam asked.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Morticia screamed in annoyance. "I will explain it to you later. JUST HELP ME GET UP!"

"No. I wanna make a baby."

"Oh hell no." She pushed him off of her. "Help me up or I won't help you find Bumblebee."

"Y-you'll help me find Bumblebee?"

"Yes. I will. But only if you help me get up, and get dressed."

"Can I make a baby first? Baby making is fun."

"NO! I have a boyfriend. His name is Slik. Remember him?"

"Is Slik the one with the Pikachu shirt?"

"No, he's the sexy one."

"The robot?"

"NO!"

"The cute one?"

"The sexy one! You know! He's sexy! And he rides a motorcycle!

"Oooooh, so I'm your boyfriend?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

She punched him in the jaw.

"Ouch!"

"HELP ME UP YOU PUSSMUNCHER!"

"I would never do that to a cat!"

Morticia sighed. "Just help me up, help me get dressed, and I'll help you find your guardian."

"Aww, thanks, hun."

"Well help me!"

"I'll give you the kiss of life."

Sam's eyes suddenly widened.

"What?"

"You're aDdecepticon, aren't you!?

"Of course not! The Decepticons destroyed my lab, tried to kill my cousin, and want me dead!"

"Are you super sure you're not one?

"Yes. I'm super sure. NOW HELP ME UP!"

Sam helped her get up.

"Where's my clothing?"

"I made a cape with them."

She facepalmed.

"Give me your clothes." she said to him

"But I'll be NAKED!" he whined.

She sighed. Then she started pulling the fake leather jacket he was wearing off of him. Being that she was really petite, it covered her naked body well enough that once she wrapped it around herself, it looked like a dress.

Sam whined, but then suddenly grinned and winked. "But you know what I also wanna take off?"

"What? Just what do you wanna take off?"

He winked, "My boxers"

She sighed. "Not now."

Sam whined, "But sex is magic!"

She slapped him. "I liked you better when you were inexplicably in the fourth Indiana Jones movie!"

"You should have seen me in Nymphomaniac then."

She slapped him again. "C'mon." she grabbed his arm. She pulled him and he wouldn't move. "I SAID MOVE SHIA-I MEAN SAM!"

"Ooookkaaaaayyyy" He said, getting a move on.

She tripped and landed in his arms. "You tripped me!"

"Sorry!" whined Sam.

"Ugh whatever!"

"I'm sorry Mort!"

"Just hand me my bag." she held her hand out.

He handed her the bag.

She pulled out a gun. "Take this" she tossed it to him. "I think I know where your friend is."

"Oookkaaayyyy!" said Sam, taking the gun. "Oooh, what's this do?"

"It's a fucking gun, weedwhacker!"

"Don't call me WEEDWHACKER!" whined Sam like a baby.

"Ugh. Men." she took the gun from him. "I guess I'll be the weapons specialist." she pulled out a gun holster, wrapping it around her waist, and putting a gun in the holder. "C'mon, let's go."

Sam then stumbled along with her.

"I think my dad kidnapped Bumblebee. Something about government experiments and world domination. You see, he's got a few screws loose, but if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be a scientist. Not many labs would be interested in 19 year old women with green hair."

"Ooohhhhh, he did? Wow!"

"Yes. But we can rescue him."

"Okay then, cool, but first, let me take a selfie!" said Sam, pulling out his IPhone and smiling like an idiot for his selfie. "Mort, take the picture with me!" He pulled her into the shot, putting his lips to her cheek, then taking an obnoxious amount of photos.

Morticia was embarrassed.

"You...you aren't going to post that, are you?"

"Oh, it's going to be up on Instagram sometime soon" he said, tapping away on his phone. "Oh oops...I just sent it to my whole contacts list."

"What?!"

"I repeat, I just sent it to my whole contacts list."

"Sam! How did you even-?"

"I did. I just did. Well, I'll probably get lots of COOL COMMENTS ON IT!"

His phone suddenly turned into a Decepticon frobot. He had a cool 'fro. Too bad he's evil. That 'fro is so cool.

"OH NO! LET'S RUN!" cried Sam.

Morticia shot the robot with her gun, until he was totally destroyed.

"We don't run. We fight." she said, putting the gun back in the holster.

"Oh, soooo cool!"

"Now c'mon Witwicky" she said, pulling his arm. This is the first time she said his name correctly.


	3. And then another thing

Slik drove his motorcycle, with Skreek on the back. "We have to find Morticia!"

"I don't see the point I mean I kinda have to betray the autobots right now! I MEAN! I mean I have to...tend to my rose garden! That's what I mean." Skreek lied.

Meanwhile...

'SPLOSIONS! LOTS OF THEM. OVER 6 MILLION.

"UGH I TOLD YOU NOT TO STEP ON THAT BUTTON SAM!" she yelled at him.

"Sorry! It was just so pretty!"

She grabbed his shirt, pulling him close, he face close to his. The audience can just _sense_ the sexual tension.

Sam's eyes fluttered down to her bewbs. "Woah... those bewbs are huge..." He muttered to himself.

Apparently Sam had never seen a bewb, as Morticia was only a 36B. Hardly "huge", the main writer snickers, as do the two other co authors. (All female)

Sam kept on staring at her bewbs.

"How would you like it if I just stared at your dick, perv!"

"I'd like it a lot..." Sam said, blushing heavily.

Morticia did just that. She stared intensely at his crotch. It's a good thing she doesn't have laser vision. "You look like you have a small dick."

"A small mick?" He said, pulling out a tiny Mickey Mouse doll.

"DICK! DICK!"

"Oooooh" He started pulling off his pants.

"NO! NO! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!"

"You're gonna get sued by Disney, because I'm here." Said the Mickey plush, then it left.

He ignored that Mickey, and also Morticia, as his boxers dropped to the ground.

"LOOK AT MY DICK, WORLD!"

"Okay, it was bigger than I thought, but still! You're gonna get a ticket for public nudity!"

"I like stripping! I'M A NUDIST!"

"Look, Sam. if you put your pants back on, I'll go on a date with you, after we rescue Bumblebee. Just put your boxers back on your crotch. 'Kay?"

That just sent Sam wild, the thought of a date with Mort! So he threw his bottoms back on, but put his boxers over his pants.

"You idiot." She sighed. "You know what? Fuck it. Let's just get to the lab, and save your bus."

"Okie dokie Lokie!"

She grabbed his arm, and pulled him along. They finally got to her father's laboratory.

"Daddy! Let my bus go!" said Sam

"Uhm...He's my dad?" said Morticia, raising an eyebrow.

"I mean your dad! Well, he'll be my father in law someday...sooooo..."

"In your dreams Witwicky!"

"D'awwwww!"

"Ooooh, daughter!" Morticia's father was lowered down on a panel that glowed. "Just in time to test my new creation!"

"What is it this time? Death ray?"

"No! That was one time! It's a bionic war suit."

"Nah, I'm good. I'm actually here for another thing."

"You need to let my friend Bumblebee go!" yelled Sam.

Morticia put her hand on Sam's mouth. "What Weewhack here is trying to say is I need you to give us Bumblebee."

"Okay." said Morticia's father. "I'm good with it. I actually like this Bumblebee character, so yeah. I'll let him go. Also, I showed him the design of a new Camaro, so he looks even more badass then he already did."

A shiny new Camaro drove out, turning into Bumblebee.

"BAHMBULBEH!" yelled Sam, hugging Bumblebee.

Then Bumblebee turned back into a car, and Sam and Morticia got in, driving off.

"Thanks dad!" said Morticia.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you Morticia!" Sam crawled over towards her, hugging her in the car. Bumblebee was driving, so it was all good.

Sam stared into Morticia's eyes, and as did she.

"Uhm...Sam? Are you okay?"

"I'm not okay honey."

"Uh...Should I be scared...?"

"I'm in love.." Sam said, and kissed her. Bumblee played 'Is This Love' from The Toxic Avenger on his radio.

Morticia kissed back, passionately. She was feeling it.

They started 'frenching', as Tara Gilesbie would say. Sam then started making his way down her neck, and then her boobs, and then...

They took the train to Pleasure Town! Yee-haw!

Morticia moaned. Even Slik wasn't this good. But the thing is, HOW THE FUCK IS SAM WITWICKY SOME SORT OF SEX GOD? The answer is the same as the one to how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop. The world may never know.

After they were done, however, Mort felt some regret. She hugged her knees.

"What, honeyyyy?"

"It's just...Slik...What am I gonna do about him?"

"Dump him like the trash, girlfriend."

"But...But I love him!"

"Polyamory, then."

"Yes, but it just doesn't work for me. I can only have one person in my life, or I'll overcomplicate everything..."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh." he sighed, looking down. He knew she wasn't gonna pick him.

Sam slumped down in his seat and sighed.

They sat there awkwardly, until Bumblebee stopped abruptly, before he could hit Slik's motorcycle.

"Woah! Bumbleebee, why'd you stop?"

"WELL BECAUSE HE ALMOST HIT ME!" said Slik, outside.

"Ohhhh." said Sam.

"Sorry." said Bumblebee.

"Well, where have you guys been?" asked Morticia.

"Trying to find you!"

"Ohhhhhhhhh!"

Morticia got out of Bumblebee, and hugged Slik tight. She touched his sexy muscles.

Sam cringed.

Slik smiled, and hugged her back.

Sam made a pouty face. He frowned, as he watched Morticia make out with Slik.

Bumblebee played some depressing music.

Sam started crying like a baby.

Morticia stopped kissing Slik, and let go of him, awkwardly.

"Huh?" said Slik, and then he noticed the pouting Sam. "Wait, why is Sam crying?"

"I don't know...I'll just uh..." Morticia hugged Sam.

Slik just stared.

Morticia did comforting things for Sam, like pat him on the back, kiss him on the forehead, etc.

"Seriously, why is he crying?"

"Shhh" Morticia shushed him and Sam.

Both men fell quiet.

"C'mon, it's late. I'm going home. Sam, since you have nowhere to stay, you can stay with me." said Morticia.

"Okay." said Sam, snuffling and drying up.

They got back in Bumblebee and drove to Morticia's apartment.

"Hey! What about m-" cried Slik, but they were already gone.

When they got to her apartment, she opened the door. "You don't mind sleeping on the couch, do you?"

"Yes! I do mind!"

"Okay fine. You can sleep in my bed, and I'll sleep on the couch."

Sam nodded, as they got ready and eventually went to sleep.

LATER THAT NIGHT...

Sam was awoken by something shaking him. He jolted awake, about to scream, thinking that a monster had came to kill him or something, but then he realized it was just Morticia.

"Oh, hey Mort, what are you doing up?" he asked her.

"Uh, S-Sam, can I sleep with you?" she asked. She seemed visibly frightened, and her knees were clearly shaking.

"Oh, what's wrong?"

"M-My toaster is screaming."

"Ohhh... well, you can sleep with me if you want."

"T-Thanks!" said Morticia, as she climbed into the bed next to Sam.

He wrapped his arms around her, as to protect her from the scaries.

Mort smiled. So did Sam. He kissed her.

Mort was taken a little aback by the kiss, but then decided to kiss him back. They kissed for a bit.

And then, they did the sexy times. Two times in one day. Hmmm. A week ago, Morticia would have never believed that.

When they were done, they put their clothes back on and cuddled in bed together.

"Y'know...as sexy as Slik might be...I think I might like you better. Might."

Sam smiled and kissed her cheek. Then, Morticia had to ask this question, it would, like, totally bother her forever if she didn't know the answer.

"So. You said you had two girlfriends before me. I know the first one died in your car, what happened to the other girl?"

"Uh... she... was British."

"Oh...I'm so sorry."

"It's fine."

"Anyways, since the Decepticons haven't messed with us in a while, what if we went on that date tomorrow?"

"That would be great!" said Sam, putting his arm around her. "Where should we take it?"

"I don't know."

"How about we go out to a fancy place to eat, like a pizza parlor or..."

"Or we could go see Transformers 4: Age of Extinction, and laugh at Marky-Mark trying to fill in your shoes."

"Yes! Perfect plan!" said Sam. He still was spiteful of Marky-Mark trying to walk in his footsteps.

"Great!"

The next morning...

It was breakfast and Morticia took the milk out of the fridge, putting it on the counter. She reached up, and just barely managed to grab the chocolate toast crunch in the cabinet.

The toaster tried to attack her.

Sam quickly shot it.

"Thanks babe." She kissed him on the cheek. "Though I will need a new toaster...But that's a problem for another time."

Later, when it was time for their date...

Sam was waiting for Morticia to come out, so they could go on their date.

Morticia then came out, wearing a black lacy strapless, corset styled top, and a shiny gold skirt that hugged her hips in the right way. She looked very sexy, this author could say.

"...Wow..."

Morticia smiled at Sam, "So, you ready to go to the theater?"

"...yeah..." He couldn't stop staring at her. She looked amazing.

"Okay."

They drove to the nearest AMC theater and got their tickets and snacks. They had a great time laughing at Marky-Mark trying to fill Shia's shoes and failing horribly. They also kissed, while Optimus talked.

Afterwards, they went to Moe's and had nachos. After that, they decided to have a romantic walk in the park. A romantic walk interrupted by Slik.

"Slik!" cried Morticia in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh...Just...Skeletar! ATTACK!"

"WHAT! YOU'RE SUPPORTING THE DECEPTICONS!?"

"Not just Slik." said another voice...it was Skreek!

"SKREEK! YOU TOO? WHAT NEXT, TREKK IS SUPPORTING THEM AS WELL?"

"No MORTMORT! I'm still wiv da Automobots yo!" said Trekk, who was clearly drunk.

Sam and Mort groaned. Skeletar still wasn't there.

"Uh...If we aren't going to be attacked, maybe we should just-"

THEN BOOM! SKELETAR! WAIT HOLD THA FUCK UP?

SKELETAR IS A GIIIIIIRLLLLL?

WOW! EVEN M NIGHT SHYAMALAN COULDN'T THINK OF SUCH A SURPRISING PLOT TWIST!

"OOOOOH SHIT!" Sam yelled "NOOOOOOOOO! BUMBLEBEEEEEE!"

Bumblebee then arrived, showing up 15 minutes late with Starbucks... wait, no, more like 5. Or 1. Or 30 seconds, IDK.

Bumblebee dropped his mocha crappucino when he saw Skeletar and ran for the hills. He then came back, with Optimus Prime. Optimus and Skeletar fought for a few minutes in a bland fight scene, and then Skeletar left with Slik and Skreek, before pooping on Trekk, and flying away.

And believe it or not; Trekk ate it. YES, TREKK ATE ROBOT POOP.

"EW TREKK!"

"Are we gonna end up with another JustinRPG here?"

"Ughhhh!" Morticia groaned "C'mon, let's get away from my oddball cousin."

"Right on it." They fled for the hills.

They went back to Morticia's apartment, both of them immediately collapsing on the couch.

"Well, shit went down, in one way literally, right?"

"Yeah. And about the thing with my older brother and exboyfriend being Decepticon Collaborators, I promise I had no idea."

"Me neither. It caught us all by surprise, like, what the hell?"

"I never would of thought...Well, tomorrow, I need to go down by the lab, and make sure my dad isn't one either. And also maybe snag a few of those battle suits he's making..."

"Alrighty then. Wait, battle suits?"

"Yeah. Battle suits. That protect your internal organs, and have cool weapons n stuff!"

"Wow, so cool!"

"Yeah!"

"I want one right now!"

"We'll get them first thing tomorrow, I promise. Right now I have...other plans..." she said kissing him.

Sam smiled, and kissed her back.

And then, they did the do. Again. Cheesy porn music played in the background.

Afterwards, they snuggled together.

"I love you Mort" Sam said, kissing her head.

"I love you too, Sam..."

Sam snuggled her close and kissed her head.


End file.
